Weird things I do I need someone to validate

We all have our individual eccentricities. Many of us (including me) are a little shy when it comes to revealing these oddities to others, out of fear of being exposed as “weird,” and ostracised by the rest of the world. But what if we’re not as unique as we think? What if there’s plenty of people around us who share the same quirks and have spent their entire lives thinking they’re alone? To test this theory out, I have decided to share some of the weird things I do and see if there are people out there who can empathise. Mind you, this is not an exhaustive list but I’ve decided I’d rather not scare everyone away all at once. So, without further ado here are 5 things I need someone to validate doesn’t make me crazy:

1.) I become nervous on semi-crowded public transport. Let’s take trains for example. Notice how I use the phrase “semi-crowded.” I have no issues getting onto a train where we are all packed shoulder to shoulder, stuffed like sad, little sardines. That’s because I have no choice in where to stand and don’t have to think about where is the most convenient and least obstructive spot to squeeze myself into is. This becomes an issue on trains that are becoming crowded but haven’t been filled to capacity yet. There’s only standing room, but enough space that I must choose what is the most optimal place to station myself at. If the area around the sliding doors is free, then clearly that’s the best place to stand. But when even those have become someone else’s territory and the aisle is the only place available, that is when I get nervous. If no one has ventured into the aisle yet then I can easily station myself smack bang in the middle, but if at least one person is there I start to mentally calculate where to go. If the person is already in the middle and no one else is around, should I go as close to them as possible to give maximum room for new passengers at subsequent stations, or should I leave some room between us so it doesn’t look creepy? If they have established a post for themselves only a portion of the way down the aisle, where should I go then? It’s a 50/50 chance of still being in the way because no one can predict how many people will come through each of those doors at the next stop and therefore which side needs more space. Either way, I often find myself diligently watching the doors at each stop to see where I may need to shuffle to next. I don’t think anyone around feels the same, nor do I think any passengers I am eagerly trying to make space for are appreciative (or aware), but it’s something I have to do or I’d feel guilty. Public transport etiquette sounds ridiculous, but in today’s age where the population is constantly growing, I never understand why people intentionally take up more space than needed. Why does your bag need a seat when you clearly can see plenty of people are standing and deserve a seat more than your inanimate object? Man, I can’t believe I’ve spent this entire time talking about where to stand on long vehicles meant for transporting hoards of human beings. But then again, that’s what this entire post is about. So let’s keep pushing on.

2.) I obsessively like being able to give correct change. Despite the world transitioning into cashless payment systems, I still prefer to make most of my purchases in cash. I have this compulsive need to be able to give the exact change if possible, so that I can minimise the number of coins I carry, especially small values such as 5 cent and 10 cent pieces. It gives me this wicked sense of satisfaction, which is why I have to know what the exact price of something is before I walk up to the cashier so that I have enough time to check my wallet and calculate what the most optimal amount to hand over is. This means if something is on sale and prices are NOT “as marked,” I will calculate what the exact amount is. I prefer to be given notes and dollar coins in change if feasible, therefore if something is $21.50 and I don’t have any notes smaller than $50, I’ll handover $51.50 or even $52 to make sure I can get at least $30 in crisp, clean notes. Sad, huh? But I enjoy it and it helps keep my wallet organised so I’m not going to stop until I have no more cash to spend.

3.) I will leave my favourite bite of food until the last mouthful. No matter how big the portion is, or whether or not I believe I can finish it, I will leave my most desired and anticipated morsel of food until the last moment. I’ll decide early into the meal what my favourite parts are and make sure I eat around it and eventually package it into what I think the perfect mouthful will be. If we are having a meal with multiple dishes, I make sure to finish on the one I like the most. I guess I like ending my meal on a high-note and going out “with a bang.” Some (like my mother) might say it’s a stupid strategy, because what if you become full before then? What if you tire out before the much-awaited climax and can no longer enjoy its thrills? Well, let’s just say I like to live dangerously because it’s a risk I am willing to take and a habit I have no intention of going cold turkey on. Besides, my dad used to do as a child too, so I take comfort in knowing it proves there is no doubt I am his daughter.

4.) I like to pretend I’m an actor in my favourite movies and television shows right before I fall asleep in bed. Depending on what I have recently seen (and which actor I am currently obsessed with), I will create a character for myself and make up a scene I can mentally act out. And before anyone with a dirty mind starts to imagine inappropriate things, I want you to know they’re usually completely innocuous scenes such as having a conversation or arguing with another character. I always enjoyed drama in high school and to this day I still secretly dream about becoming an actor, so it only seems fitting for me to practise my skills in the dark. I used to do it a lot more when I was younger, nowadays it only happens if I’m not sleepy and am just lying idly in bed. I’ll agree it makes no sense and probably sounds slightly psychotic, but it’s a fun little thing I do in my own time and I’m not hurting anyone so why shouldn’t I continue?

5.) And now we’ve finally reached the end. Numero five. This final one is a little dark so I’d like to issue a trigger warning for anyone sensitive to death and suicide. Sometimes, when I’m on the platform waiting for a train to arrive or watching cars fly by as I wait for the pedestrian lights to turn green, I wonder what it’d be like to throw myself off the edge and become a splatter of flesh and blood on some poor bugger’s windshield. I have never had any suicidal ideation, nor do I actually want to die (I’m terrified of the thought), but I cannot explain the urge that creeps up on me as the train’s lights come into view and I can see it barrelling towards me. I imagine what it would feel like to step directly in front of it, how much pain my body would experience before my life inevitably ends. Do our lives actually flash before our eyes moments before our deaths? Or would it be so instantaneous I’d barely feel any pain at all? To be perfectly honest, I know for a fact there are people out there who feel the same and I also know what this phenomenon is termed. The “call of the void,” they’ve coined it and I’ll have you know it is not an uncommon experience in the world. It’s the same as when people are peering over the edge of a cliff or looking down from a height and have this sudden urge to jump. It is not a sign of suicidal ideation nor does it necessarily reveal an underlying mental health condition. From what I understand it’s a normal sensation and I’ve never actually gotten close to doing anything that impulsive. So why did I even put this on the list? I’m not sure really, I just thought it was interesting and wanted to put it last because it’s the bleakest out of all of them. Let me know if you’ve ever felt the same and I hope I haven’t completely bummed everyone out!

So that’s the list. Feel to free judge (but also don’t think me completely crazy because my self-esteem may not be able to handle it), but more importantly comment below if you can validate these quirks or have your own to share! That ends my little experiment, and now we can only sit back and wait. Cheerios!


76 thoughts on “Weird things I do I need someone to validate

  1. Well done on allowing people to read your quirks! I also save my favourite bite until last and I also wonder what it’s like to throw myself off the platform! Although very dark, I tend to do this with various things such as driving into a verge or wondering what it would be like to fall off a cliff so you aren’t alone there!x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. For the record, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you even if you were the only one to experience these 5 things. Differences are what keep the world interesting.

    I have done something similar to #3 though – I don’t do it as much these days, but I used to save my favorite food for last all the time!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You definitely aren’t alone with the “call of the void” feeling. The thought has occurred to me too at times when I have stood on a train platform. Also, I am the same way with food! I’ve got to save the best for last 😀 I can even take it a step further because there are some foods I always need to eat a certain way. For example, if I’m eating a sandwich then I have to start with the top corners, and then take a giant bite for the middle, et cetera. (I’ll spare you all the meticulous details lol). If that makes you crazy than that makes two of us haha!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I do some of the same things…

    I do ⋕1 in general… I always kind of scope out where I am, who’s around me, and where safest place to be is.

    I don’t take public transportation – I don’t know if I would do well with that. I do not like crowds much … I try to stay away from massive crowds … I can do them but all closed in an area makes me REALLY nervous.

    I wonder if they take the extra space because they are uncomfortable around people and want space? I do not do that and do not understand that either because I would always be considerate of others when sharing a space. But that could be a reason?

    I also do #2… the correct change – that one is spot on … I also like to have correct change in order to get back one large bill rather than a ton of $1’s or tons of change

    I also do ⋕3… with the food and saving the last bite…

    When I was younger – I did not like any of my foods “touching” – even though people would always say all goes in your belly anyway… No lol… I would want every food individually- please don’t touch lol … I have since gotten a little better with that and do allow some foods to touch – depends on the food lol

    And then, I also used to start with my least favorite food, eat that, turn the plate to the next… very much robotically lol… as I got to my favorite lol which I would eat last – to like you said have the meal end on a high note …

    I am not that bad anymore… I don’t turn my plate anymore – I had to break myself from that one cause it was too weird for people. And it was a little weird… now I can eat normally without turning my plate lol (I used to drive my parents nuts with that lol)

    I don’t do ⋕ 4… but sometimes my life feels like a movie or something… sometimes a hilarious comedy… other times a drama or personal horror lol

    And ⋕ 5… hmm 🤔 well I don’t normally think about that but when I am in a panic and things are heavy – not that I would ever EVER do… but sometimes I have thought – what if I just drive off the cliff and be done … or even with the coronavirus – what if I get sick and die then “finally” have peace? Again WOULD NEVER … during those thoughts I also think of how much I do love life and also I don’t wanna lose my children and what losing me would be to them. They are very important to me – the most important thing ever in my life! Plus I fought through a lot already – NO WAY am I giving up!!

    So think all your little quirks are normal – everyone has their things – it is nice not to feel alone or think how weird we are lol 😄✌️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww I love that you’re sharing all of this with me, thank you 🙂 I don’t particularly like my food touching too! I’m certainly becoming less pedantic with some of these things as I get older, but I don’t think I’ll completely get rid of these habits. It certainly feels nice to find people who do similar things 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Of the things on the list, I also experience the last four. The first one I don’t really have a problem with but I can understand. From the list I can understand that you like things in your life organised a certain way. I’ve always lived with these and don’t particularly notice them anymore. As for the play acting and the call of the void, there are times when my imaginations become so realistic that I can feel them even as I think about the, especially regarding the jumping in front of vehicles thing. I use it as a means of discouraging myself from becoming too morbid and suicidal as I don’t want to actually experience that nor put my family through it. I’m glad to know though that there are others out there with the same experiences. Keep being weird. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that with me Christopher 🙂 I do like to be organised and have things a certain way. I really hope those morbid and suicidal thoughts aren’t too frequent, and know that there so many people out there who care and would be willing to help if you are ever finding it difficult. Take care please and of course, stay weird ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi. I completely forgot to reply. Thanks for posting this. It was really nice to read. And yeah, by God’s grace, I’ve been doing better the past few months concerning my thoughts. I hope you have a fantastic week ahead. 😊👍

        Liked by 2 people

  6. 1) I take public transport and then wait for it to be over. I’m not agoraphobic, though I am claustrophobic. So I look across out windows and up and down the aisle, hoping it will all be over soon.

    2) I do the same with change. If the bill is nine dollars and six cents, I’ll give a ten-dollar bill and a dime and hope I haven’t confused the cashier. (Cashiers are usually not confused by this.) I don’t hope for crisp dollars in change, since more often than not they’re not.

    3) My first thought in response to this is, Doesn’t everybody? Hmm, I guess not.

    4) I pretend acting and scenes during the day. It’s intriguing that you do that at the end of day. Your practice might be therapeutic.

    5) I tend to imagine it the other way around. What if the train jumped the track and collided into all of us?

    Cheers, Helen,

    Christopher

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh man, I think you are the first who can empathise to a certain degree for all of them! Thank you for all the details, it’s so interesting to see how others compare. Especially the pretend acting, I didn’t think there’d be many people who could understand that. To me, it’s almost more of trying to create lines and scenes that I think would fit well with my understanding of the film. Perhaps it’s therapeutic too, taking me momentarily out of my own life. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to see the world through someone else’s eyes.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Congratulations, you’re a freak like the rest of us. I always think about getting splatted by the subway train as it rushes into the station: If I take just one little step into its path… And, like you, I’m not suicidal at all. I’m only interested for scientific reasons: velocity, impact and how many people get my guts in their hair. And I totally concur with giving the exact change and public transport etiquette.
    As for lying in bed wondering what life would have been like, I try to imagine how things would have turned out if the members of ABBA had been my high school friends and asked me to join their band. Would we have been called JABBA?
    Keep up the blog, Doc. It’s very entertaining.
    Your Canadian Cousin in England,
    Johnny O
    P.S. I’ll put money on it you turn up Dancing Queen when it comes on the radio

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Johnny, I love the way you think! I’m morbidly fascinated by gruesome details like that as well, what all my innards would look like splattered everywhere. And boy are you right, Dancing Queen is definitely my go-to song from ABBA to rock to! I belt it out very well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Do I think you’re weird? Definitely not. Do I do any of these things?
    1. I never take public transportation
    2. I like to give exact change too, but I don’t obsess over it. It just makes me feel like I won’t spend my money as fast if I keep the bigger bills.
    3. I like to eat my favorite food last because that’s the food that stays in my mouth. Again, I don’t take it to the same level as you. But that IS why we eat dessert last, right? The dogs, on the other “paw” have the same attitude about it as your mother. I always know what their favorite it. (I feed raw, not kibble.)
    4. How fun! That just means you have a fantastic imagination, which also speaks to your intelligence.
    5. I’m so glad you included this one. It’s why I’m afraid of heights where I could actually fall (or throw myself off ) but not of airplanes or enclosed glass elevators facing the outside of a building. I never knew it was a “thing” or this common. I feel much better about it now. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay, we’re not weird! I think as I’ve aged I’ve become a little bit more relaxed with most of these things and I’ve probably exaggerated the extent of my obsessions just a little bit for comedic effect. I’m glad you feel better about the last one! It’s a completely normal thing and we shouldn’t feel ashamed about it whatsoever!

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I love how truthful you are, it’s beautiful, brave and interesting to relate to what you’re writing about. I agree that people are more similar than different. I think about falling or being pushed into the subway rails sometimes 🤗, it’s maybe my brain trying to keep me safe. When I cross the street, I sometimes imagine getting hit by a car! I have a strong imagination. It’s not a death wish, it’s more of an anxiety thing. I also like to save my favorite parts of my meal for last, it’s satisfying to me to savor the food I liked the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are not weird. I am glad someone else wrote about these small things, lets me know I am not alone in some of my idiosyncrasies that I don’t speak about but know they exist within me. I can relate somewhat to numbers 1 to 3.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I don’t have any of your quirks but I find them easily understandable nonetheless. I certainly have my own quirks and as you say – I think everyone does – it’s part of being a human. Mind you I have three dogs and they all have personality quirks each their own. We are all more similar than different I think.

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  12. 1: I’ve never been on any kind of public transportation, but in stores I do generally make way for other people. Of course, for me, that translates to dodging out of one person’s path — and winding up smack in the middle of someone else’s way…

    2: Personally, I hate math, and I’ve been putting all my coins into a bag, so that it’s a coin purse, because for some reason I think that’s cool… But then, I don’t really buy things, at least not with cash; if I did, I probably wouldn’t like juggling change (or making the cashier juggle change) either.

    3: I often do the same. Probably a holdover from childhood, and all the grownups trying to get me to eat things like, say, my Brussel sprouts. I’m pretty sure I was advised at least once to eat the thing I didn’t like first so that I could get through it by looking forward to the thing I did like. Which is why I’m surprised your mother is the one who finds it strange… Maybe she’s the weird one? 😜

    4: I actually do that too, though in a less actor-oriented way.

    5: I can’t recall any specific moment where I’ve felt that, but it’s definitely something I can understand…

    Liked by 2 people

  13. #3 is definitely a throwback to my former life as Roman Catholic. I always save that last bite or last piece as penance…or offer it up…
    About #5? I have flown off buildings in my dreams, crashed, gotten up, and began anew.

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  14. Thanks for a great read!
    I completely feel you on 3. and 4. I don’t think they’re weird: these funny, little things are a part of us and make us incredibly special! I appreciate you being super honest in your posts, I love it. Can’t wait for the next one!!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. This is a great post! It’s not always easy sharing our little eccentricities. It makes you feel exposed and vulnerable. I can relate to quite a few, except maybe the satisfaction of exact change, cause I’m bad at math!
    When you started talking about the anxiety that comes with deciding what to do in semi-crowded spaces I remembered all the times I awkwardly battled with myself on where to stand, whether to sit, what spot will allow the least contact with people. It’s such a tedious process but it happens all the time!
    All the others too, I can definitely relate. Strategically saving the last favorite bite, imagining myself acting out my favorite scenes, and those curious moments of what would happen if you fling yourself into a deathly void. We’re here with you, crazy freaks just taking it one day at a time, trying to find our safe space to open up.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Until you speak and share your minds directions you cannot possibly be aware of whether or not your thoughts are out there or perfectly “normal” After all we find that our thoughts are just thoughts. We can have the strangest thoughts but without actions so what? Leaving the best bit till last makes “sense” Wondering about jumping in front of a train without jumping is curiosity. There could be a little OCD going on with the change maybe but all in all you are just another human meandering through the trials and tribulations of life. PEACE OUT

    Liked by 1 person

  17. You are still unique in that you only share “some” of the the diverse “oddities”– which others also possess. I share your “exact change” and “favorite part of the meal” trait. Now I only use my cell phone to send or receive essential calls. Got to many other integral activities to be addicted to a tool like that– to which many of my friends are. Have a wonderful day, Helen. Peace.
    Art

    Liked by 2 people

  18. As everyone has said, we all feel that human wonderment about hurling our bodies to our violent deaths. As far as #4, sometimes it takes me 15 min to fall asleep, but sometimes it takes 4-5 hrs to fall asleep. So oft is the time I’ve just clicked off David Spade’s new show, and my mind goes to imagining myself on the panel or going to have lunch with them after the show, etc. Isn’t that what dreams are? Little shows we’re watching and sometimes we’re the characters.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Perhaps curiously, I share at least one of your quirks, Helen — but only in an oblique way. I like to mentally design public parks and even cities while dozing off. In a sense, that is similar to your enjoyment of creating roles and scenes in plays and movies for you to act in, is it not? I mean, you create roles, I create parks — different in ways, yet we’re both expressing a creative, artisitic side to ourselves. After all, we could be thinking about any of ten thousand other things that have nothing to do with us being artistic or creative.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. 1. I’d rather sit. I do try to find the best place to sit, in the same way you look for a place to stand. I find myself just as eager to practice public etiquette too. New York Subways trains and city buses are the only places I’ve ever stood, but only if the seats were all full. I’ve never been on any train where there are no seats at all.
    2. When I do pay with cash, I like to have exact change. I want paper money in my wallet, not a pocket full of coins, so anytime I can, give the exact change, or if I don’t have it, whatever is closest in change, just so I don’t have to break another dollar.
    3. I always save a bit of the best for last. Why not?
    4. I am an actor. One thing we do is go over our lines in our head just before falling asleep, and then again in the morning just as we wake up. Helps with memorization, and when you can do it, you know you’ve got it down, so it’s a comfort to know that, before you go to sleep, and when you wake up for your audition or role.
    5. Did that a lot growing up. I tried to figure out the best way to jump from a third-story window so I’d smash my brains out, instead of going through lots of pain, or becoming paralysed by breaking only my spine. I sat on the windowsill many, many times like that, not wondering if, but how. I think I was suicidal. I have better ways now, like getting the motorcycle up to or over 120mph on a city street, but I only did that once after my divorce years ago. It was actually calming. I don’t fantasize like that anymore. When I was crossing a street, I got run into by a car that was speeding up, and I was pushed down the street a ways until they saw me and braked suddenly (a little painful, but I survived). A woman drove her car around a corner once (I was in my car at a stop sign) and we had a head-on collision. Rattled my brain, but I survived. Things like that have happened to me a lot, so I feel lucky, and there’s no point in fantasizing about death, because it’ll happen some day, and I’m no longer afraid.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow, it certainly sounds like you have been through a lot. I am sorry of what has happened to you in the past and I hope you are in a much better place and won’t have any more unfortunate incidents. Thank you for sharing all of those things and it’s nice to know we share some similarities. Take care

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Yes, the younger me had all these quirks. They seem to have become less important to me in recent years.

    My main quirk these days is eating my least favourite food first. It’s something I’ve always done. In the case of garden peas I always have to eat them all before starting on the rest of the meal. I don’t often have them – just when they come as part of a meal when we are out.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I moved to the US from the third world where one sat next to the only person on public transportation and then it filled outward. That’s totally weird here so I can totally relate to number 1. I always leave my fave bite for last 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. We soooo should. I don’t have favorites per se, coz if you think about it, every dish has a favorite bite depending on the meal. Yesterday we had ravioli with a yummy home made cheese sauce topped with bacon. So OF COURSE the bacon was the fave. I actually tried to divie it up so every bite had some instead of saving it for last. It was like doing brain surgery at the table 🧐

        Like

      1. Another thing I did as a child was whenever I would meet someone for the first time – friend or stranger passing on the street – I would imagine what their parents looked like. I would somehow parse the features in my mind and use that to extrapolate the face of their mom and dad. In cases where I would actually meet the parents, I found that I was uncannily accurate. I one day found I could no longer do that. Peace – hoping you and loved ones are healthy and safe. —CC

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ooo I wish that was something I could do. I’ve never been able imagine faces, and sometimes can be pretty bad with finding family resemblance. I’m doing well and just staying at home, hope you are too 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  23. #1 absolutely #2 nope, that’s weird #3 it’s funny how we create these rituals around eating certain foods in certain ways #4 ok, as long as it’s not a horror movie #5 Haha! and I thought it was just me …. & I’m hoping this has only sent once but I pressed the wrong button and something weird happened so I’ve written it again ; great post .

    Liked by 1 person

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